I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
