she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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