I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize