Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
