Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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