You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
