I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize