My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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