My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize