I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize