I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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