Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Green mimosas i think yes
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
