She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
