no, he came in my armpit
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
