On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
