id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
