Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
