420 ftw
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
