The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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