I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
