My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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