Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize