We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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