i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
