AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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