FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i've created a new STD.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I want is dick and wine.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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