At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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