I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
