You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
