My first STD was from a foam party
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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