found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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