So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
