I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
