we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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