I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
