i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
