a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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