you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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