matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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