You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I need to stop coming to work sober
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
