one two three fourrrrnication!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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