dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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