A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize