i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
