i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
