my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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