There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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