Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
