totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
