i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize