and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
