My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
