so that wasnt chicken after all
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
