i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
