i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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