Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
