Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
