I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
