Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
