I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
