I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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