She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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