I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize