I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
