my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
