All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
