Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
