I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
