Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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