what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
