I'm really into asian looking animals
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I did not marry a roomba.
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