Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
